The Lost Priest
by lovetodreamxo
Summary: After a long day of training in the Celestial Alps, Kalas and friends decide its time to go level up at the church, but walk into more than they expected, along with his kinky Guardian Spirit. Contains crude humor, subject matter, and suggested content. Readers discretion is advised.
1. Celestial Alps

_A struggle between… _  
_Trying to level up and consequences'_

**Hey Yall, I'm back again. This is just a little idea I got, and decided to do another Fic on Baten Kaitos Eternal Wings and The Lost Ocean. It's short, and Humorous, so leave some reviews and lets get this party started.**

**Note**: The **Bolded**/_Italics_ are the voice of the Guardian Spirit.

* * *

A swift symmetrical chop of the Badwin's corpse fell before Kalas' feet as he finished with the shimmering special "Fangs of Light", and the calming victorious feeling of a successful battle. The Celestial Alps had hit evening time, and the sun was now setting. The warm breeze and yellow-orange skies hit home, as a long day's work as at progress. The team was exhausted from grinding on monsters from dawn, every body seemed short of breath.

"Phew," The blue haired boy exhaled panic out of his breath, "I don't know about you guys, but I can't look at another mosquito-looking mother fucker again!"

Kalas' and the team's wings disappeared, as they all turned and faced each other. "It's been a long day," Lyude commented putting away his gun, "How much more should we fight?"

"I don't know about you guys," Gibari says, "But I'm down for leaving these bug infested mountains, and going to party."

"Look" Xelha points to the sun setting in the horizon with a smile on her face, "Isn't it beautiful.. It seems more beautiful now that we are on a high mountain."

"I guess.." Kalas pouted, "I agree with you on that one, Gibari, but first, lets head to the church and level up, we didn't do all this grinding with these freaks for nothing." he folds his arms. Xelha looked at Kalas with a slight frown, from being ignored.

Savyna wipes droplet's of sweat off her face, "We need to be as strong as possible if we are destined to defeat Malpercio." the Huntress crosses her arms.

"**_Kalas, I know Xelha's an annoying little shit but don't ignore her like that, gosh you're such an asshole sometimes_**."

The voice of the Guardian Spirit started Kalas for a brief moment, then only realizing it's his partner in crime. "I didn't! Why are you coming at me for!"

"**_I'm not, pal! You know I love you_****.**"

"Pfft, suck one."

"**_I love you too, wow aren't you a charmer for the sights. Why don't you have a girlfriend again?_**"

"Kalas!" a voice yelled from a distance. The others had already up and left him as he was chatting with his Guardian Spirit. They were much ahead of them at the bottom of the mountain.

"See what you do to me?" Kalas said, annoyed. He drew out his wings gliding down to the bottom of the mountain, meeting up with his friends, "Sorry guys, Spirit problems."

"The Great Mizuti says we should hurry and get it over with. The Great Mizuti also be very sleepy." The masked Child of the Earth says, as she yawns.

"Yeah, so which island we off to?" Gibari glances over to Savyna, as she looks back at him.

"I say Sadal Sudd…I would say Alfard, but I'm not fond of the heat waves of that country. Sadal Sudd has much less climate issues." Savyna comments.

"All right. Sadal it is." Kalas points to the sky, and pauses. "What are you waiting for Xelha? Call that giant dragon."

"Oh…right." she whistled under her voice, then bowed her head down. "O white dragon!?" she yelled.

The White Dragon came within a few seconds, lowering to the port where all the boats were. Surprisingly, a lot of people went hiking this evening.. Probably those two fat girls related to Quzman.

"Finally." Kalas moaned, "Thought I'd have to fly there myself."

"Like-wise." Lyude interrupted, "your wings could not fly the distance between any island, the only time someone with wings could- OUCH?"

Lyude got whacked in the head with a pebble. "W-which one of you threw that?!"

"Dunno." Kalas took out his wings and flew up onto the dragon in an instant.

"Lets go buddy!" Gibari waved his hands to Lyude as they were about to set to Sadal Suud.

* * *

**Btw, If you haven't please check out my longer story. and for the love of Pete, READ THE 3 OTHER CHAPTERS TO THIS STORY! IT ISN'T LONG.**

**HOLY GELDOBLAME'S FECES.**


	2. The Mystery of the Purple Flower

**...I love this Chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Barney, but guess what, I got a stuffed toy Barney, BIOTCH!**

* * *

Oh Sadal Sudd. The nation making most of the islands food, and the quiet islands that don't receive much conflict within the islands. Personally, it's my favorite, but what do you care? I'm just the narrator. I bet you don't care that I like carrot cake either? Nope? Well I'm glad that's stuck with you know. I'm a terrible narrator.. I'd wanna live in Celebrai cause-

"Here we are!" Gibari yelled ecstatically, "Good thing it doesn't take long to get here from the Alps."

Damn you, Gibari! No one cares, don't cut me off again, of I'll cut you off with a knife. Got it PAL?!

The blue headed dickweed snarled his face, "Uhh, aren't you the narrator, do your job and stop bickering.. This isn't even about you."

Whatever, and no one asked you, Kalas. God, you're such an asshole.

"For the love of Geldoblame's feces, get to the story, narrator!" Xelha screamed.

Whatever, you guys don't want me to come in this story. Anyway, back to the story. The warm winds in the Ancient Capital soothed the mood as Kalas and friends hopped off the mighty white dragon, in search of the church to level up, to face the wrath of Cor Hydrae Castle.

"The Great Mizuti thanks you, narrator." she spun around on the grounds of Pherkad. "Which way the church be, Kalas?"

"Right over there, its by the port." he pointed as he sees the flower, but something's off about it. "At least I think…"

"What's up Kalas?" Gibari strolls up, "Isn't the flower supposed to be by the ally?" he makes an unfamiliar face.

"Yeah…" Xelha says slowly, "Something isn't right, lets walk up to it and see."

Kalas and friends stroll up to the supposed blue sparkly flower, but notice it isn't blue and sparkly. The flower was purple, with little green tips.

"Great, Barney strolled by and fucked up the flower." Kalas pissed off, then turned to friends. "Should we go in?"

"_**No duh. I'm guessing if this flower is purple and green, then all the others are. It all leads to the same place, so go and see what's up!**_"

Kalas took a big sigh, scratching his head, "I don't know." he said unsure. "Those are the colours of poison, you know!"

"_**What do you think will happen? If it eats you, the flower will just turn blue again,**_" The guardian spirit laughed, "**_Or black because of your personality._**"

"Knock it off!"

"**_I love you, Kalas, Oh my god, our relationship is going to be so strong in our next battles. Dontcha think?!_**"

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Kalas, lets just go. We have nothing to loose, we need to see, it might not be as bad as you think." Xelha reassured him, "We can go in together…you and I, if you're scared."

"**_Ouu, She likes you baby face! Grab her hand, lover boy. Take a trip to bubble gum land._**"

"What?! I'm not scared, Outta my way!" Kalas shoved the party members out of the way to make his way into the flower. It opened, and a shimmering light formed around him as he was transported into the church…yeah, it was a church all right.


	3. Church of Limbo

"Huh, what the hell is this?"

Startled, Kalas stumbled across the church…except, this church was different. Same blue atmosphere, huge stain glass windows….

EXCEPT THERE'S PEOPLE HERE.

And not your ordinary people, like the common priest and star guy. There were many seats, like a catholic or Christian church, and it was filled till the back. Kalas' face was in awe, as his jaw opened, trying to figure out what was going on. By the way, the priest and star guy were gone… instead, a pastor took his place. Yes, a pastor. There was even a choir, singing gospel songs, and the crowed singing along. It didn't take long for the pastor to notice Kalas, and address him personally.

"I don't believe this." Kalas said to himself, "Where am I?"

"Traveler." the deep voice of the pastor approached him, "Have you come from the other side?"

"Other side?" the blue haired looked at him funny, "No…not exactly. I'm still alive. What is this place?"

The pastor stared at him, "Humph," he turned around, "They are always in denial at first, you'll realize soon enough." The pastor walked to the podium, "Go on, take your seat, blue haired traveler."

"What the hell?" Kalas was puzzled. Suddenly, the sound the flower makes when it opens…opened. It sounds like a Velcro. Wow, that was a bad example. If you played the game you know what it sounds like!

"What took you guys so long?" Kalas looked back to see that the rest of them showed up.

"Well you see," The red haired Imperial started, "We took time to analyze the flower, taking notes on its exterior, and asking around to see what the villagers-"

"We just wanted to see if you got eaten." Gibari interrupted Lyude, "But minutes later after you left, we noticed nothing happened, so we decided to come."

"**_And you call them your friends?_**"

"I know right?" Kalas spoke to his guardian sprit. "Pfft, that was kind of a pussy move. I told you I'm not scared."

"I wanted to come, but they insisted…" the blonde blushed, "But I'm glad your safe, Kalas."

"**_Cry me a river, Blondie._**"

Kalas places his hand on his chin, "Yeah, I understand… but look at this place guys? This isn't the same as before.. Something up, and I'm curious to know what."

Savyna scopes the room, "Same, we should ask around…Though it does look like we're in an actual-"

"Oh, more that have departed from the living, in change for a better after life." the pastor looked over, "You all seem to be friends. Did you all die in battle?"

All of the party friends looked in shock, no one knew what this pastor was speaking of. Not even me, and I'm the narrator.

"What do you mean, old man?" Savyna asked.

"You all came here at your free will. People who make their way to the Church of Limbo, have already died, and choose to life an after life with the angels, and of course, God."

"**_Wow, this dude is insane._**"

"THE GREAT MIZUTI BE NOT DEAD, THE GREAT MIZUTI CANNOT DIE?!" she cried. "WHAT BE THIS PLACE! GREAT MIZUTI MUST KNOW!"

"You're nuts, old man!" Kalas cried out, "we aren't dead!"

"Guys, look…" Gibari said shocked, analyzing the crowed in the church, noticing all the people in the crowed, and even some familiar faces.

"This is crazy." Savyna looks out, "But what's crazier is…"

"YOU!" a voice crawled out from the crowd.

Geldoblame.

Or should I say...

Gaydoblame.

"**_AHAHAHA!_**" The spirit laughed, and laughed. "**_OH MAN! It's that faggot Geldoblame. This day gets better and better, oh my god!_**"

"Kalas, you Raven!" Geldoblame came out from one of the rows in the far back, but he wasn't in his monstrous titts, he was still scary though. He's a chunky faggot with make-up. That's scary enough.

"The old pastor be right," Great Mizuti Comments, "This be a church of dead people, trying be not to go to hell."

"Geldoblame!" Kalas cried out, "I'm shocked you didn't go straight to hell."

"I would comment, but as you see, I am trying to change my life around.. If I go to heaven, I'll be skinny again. That's a dream I've been longing for since I gained all this weight." the fat clown continued, "But I've been given a chance to devote to God every second I can, to prove I can make it into heaven."

"I'll be damned if you do." Kalas side commented. "By the way, you have a pretty gay room. I didn't know you rocked on that side of the rocking chair."

Gaydoblame scrunched up his ugly face and Kalas, "If I'm lucky, I'll reincarnate into this beautiful earth…and then we'll see how birds sound, when they die."

"**_Touch Kalas, and see if I don't shit in your mouth, you toe sucking, Tit-wanna-have mother fucker._**"

Kalas laughed, "Good one!" he turned to Gaydoblame, "Hear that? That's my Guardian Spirit. You can't touch me, we already killed your faggot ass." The blue haired boy laughed some more.

"Have your fun now, but I'll be back for all of you…and your little spirit friend too." Gaydoblame warned...with a dumbass warning.

"**_Come at me Bitch, I'll fuck you up so bad I'll make you like girls._**"

The fat deceased Emperor growled, and turned back, making his way to his seat. Kalas laughed along with the Guardian spirit, making fun of him.

"Wow!" Xelha was awed, "I've never seen that side of you."

"**_Yeah? Oh…I've got a wild side. Isn't that right, Kalas?_**"

"Whoa, what are you trying to say?" Kalas' eye's bolded.

"**_Oh, don't act so clueless, you've seen my freaky side. And I've seen yours, rawr, puppy._**"

Kalas slaps his forehead, "I don't know how I deal with you all the time."

Xelha's mouth drops open, "…Good one! That's one thing about you, you always have had a sense of humor."

"**_Oh don't flatter yourself, hunny._**"

"Anyway!" Kalas turned around, "We should get going…and find the real church."

"I second that, there's no point of us being here." The huntress comments, "And the sooner the-" She pauses, looking out in the crowed, she sees some of the people she's killed in Ahza.

She remained silent. "Savyna?" Gibari walks in front of her, "Are you alright?"

"Gone bodies, but the souls remain. Here, reaching out for a second chance." Xelha's eyes were closed, as if she was praying. "The second chance given to those, trying to devote to god…we all deserve second chances…"

"Second chances…" the purple haired huntress muttered, "I…need a second chance…I'll end up here myself."

"Second chance?" the priest overheard. "So, you are deceased."

"**_Is he dumb, or just dumb._**"

"No old man," Kalas steps in, "We happened to find this purple flower in Pherkad…thinking it was the level up church."

"I see." he cried, "I actually thought we got rid of them all, it seems someone forgot to get rid of that." The pastor looked down, "No problem…might as well leave it there for you all to get back."

"Yeah, that'd be appreciated." Gibari added. "Good luck with these…limbo's who didn't make it."

"Wait!" Savyna yelled, "I…need a word of you." she looked at the pastor, "Will you pray for me?" she looked into her eyes, her eyes spoke 'help'.

"Aww, come on, Savyna!" Kalas cried.

"_**KALAS! This is no time for you to be selfish. She's trying to be forgiven for her sins.. You should do the same too.**_"

"I think you should."

"**_Oh, you're so cute when you don't speak, Kalas._**"

"You know what-"

"Kalas?" Xelha called for the blue haired boy.

"Huh? What's wrong Xelha?" Kalas looked over at Savyna and the pastor had already prayed for her, and the choir started to sing with a beautiful voice, and an up-going beat, getting the crowd to start rocking, clapping, and singing along. Savyna had tears in her eyes of happiness, as she ran over and hugged the first person closest to her…Gibari.

"Ok, can we leave now?" Kalas begged, then looking around to see where Xelha was, she was talking to the pastor now.

"I have something to ask of you." Xelha said to the pastor. "If you don't mind."

"What seems to be troubling you, Traveler?"

"Well," she whispered, "It's that boy right over there." she signaled over to Kalas with her eyes so it wouldn't be obvious that they were talking about him, "I don't think I have a chance, but I like him to much…I don't know if he'd like me back."

"Traveler," the pastor began, "You must trust, and believe in yourself…tell him before it's too late. God will work miracles if you trust in him."

Xelha nodded, rubbing her eyes. "Thank you! I…I'll try."

"_**Hey love,**_" The spirit giggled, "**_I was just listening on princess bubble gum's conversation... wanna know what it was?_**"

"Huh, what are you talking about?" Kalas made a puzzled face, "Sure, shoot."

"**_They were talking about you…but I won't tell you what it was about._**"

"Sheesh, then why are you telling me?"

"**_To bother you. Are you annoyed yet_**?"

"You're lucky I can't strangle you."

"**_You'd love to put your sexy hands all over me, wouldn't you? The feeling is mutual by the way._**"

"How the hell do I put up with you?!"

"**_Hey, did you know I've always wanted to-_**"

"We should get going now." Gibari stood in front of Kalas. It seemed when he'd talk to the spirit, he'd be unaware of his surroundings. Kalas blinked a few times, then snapped into it.

"Yes!" he yelled, "Lets get outta this joint!"

Gibari and Savyna walked up with Xelha, "Where's Great Mizuti?" they looked around, "I haven't seen here since we got here."

"Man, this never ends." Kalas scrunched up his face in anger.

"GREAT MIZUTI?!" Gibari yelled. "We're goin' now!"

"The Great Mizuti be here." she was dancing with the choir, having a good time, "Bye-bye!" she waved to the choir, as they sung to her goodbye.

"Well won't ya look at that." Kalas thought, "All right, I'm outta this joint."


	4. Level Up?

Prying their way out of the Barney Flower and visiting the Church of Limbo, the hero's still had one quest that wasn't fulfilled in the first place…

They can't level up.

"So…" Kalas scratches his blue hair, "Where do we level up?"

"You there!" A voice approached the party members, of a man wearing scrubs and reckless attire, and a hood covering his eyes, just showing his lips. "You're looking for the church to level up, aren't you? With that un-named priest and the constellation man."

"Yeah, and who are you?" Gibari asked with his eyebrows raised, "Don't tell me your looking for this thing too."

The hooded man laughs, "Like-wise…It turns out that pastor bought the church from me, and I sold it to him…now I'm out of a place to lease, and I spent all the money he gave me, and, well…look at me now." he lifts up his hood, and it turns out he's the priest from the church.

"Pardon me for saying this…" Lyude says, "But why did you…"

"Because I'm an idiot." the preist says, "but if you all are looking to level up, you can do it at my mother's home until I get a new church to buy.. Now I have to pay off the mortgage again once I get one." he slaps his head. "Never the less, I'm living right up the hill…follow me."

"**_I knew it._**"

"Sure you did." Kalas rolls his eyes.

And the motley crew has yet another adventure, solving the mystery of the purple flower. Unanswered questions remain: Was barney really consumed by the flower? Why does Kalas and his Guardian Spirit have such a weird relationship? Was Savyna relieved of her sins? Where did Lyude go during the church visit? Does the party crew level up? Who else was in the church full of dead people? Does Xelha find the balls to tell Kalas how she really feels?

"**_Hell no. He's mine._**"

No one's talking to you, damn spirit, stay out of my lines and stick to Kalas' head.. And another unanswered question, why is Kalas' spirit friend such a bitch.


End file.
